When you find yourself in the position to end your marriage, you have a lot of choices to make. You made the decision that it’s not working anymore; now what? If you have kids, they are a huge and important factor in your decision-making and next steps.

Every divorce is different because every relationship is different. This is how I’m doing it. My ex-husband-to-be and I spent a lot of time talking about ending our marriage – way more time than we did talking about beginning it in the first place. It was really important to us to do it our way; not the way we were “supposed to”.

So, we’re roommates. We are excellent roommates and, for our boys, this works. They get both of us and our family remains intact even though our marriage is dissolved. We still discuss what to have for dinner. We have family outings together. We are united when it comes to our boys. We’re a team. This doesn’t mean we agree on everything by any means. It means that we are in it together.

Now that the pressure of being a couple is gone, everything is so different. Good different.

We do not do everything together. There is a definite division. On weekends, for instance, I do something with the boys one day; he does the other. We discuss plans and we use our calendar to connect on other commitments. I no longer feel obligated to be home a certain amount of time. The time I spend with my boys is awesome and that is what counts.

My ex and I talk more then we ever did. We are friends again and that is a gift we have given each other. For many years, we just went through the motions. The love wasn’t lost; the respect was. Now, we respect each other again. It is so nice to have that back. And it’s let us relax and go with the flow. The pressure of couple-dom is gone. So we roll with the punches. It’s easier.

Officially, we do not have a piece of paper that says we are divorced. Right now, it’s not important to us. We have slowly divided up our banking, separating expenses, and deciding who pays for what. The biggest change: We talk about these things vs. fighting over them.

For now, this arrangement is working for us. Is it long term? Who knows! Our goal right now is to co-parent our crazy boys and move forward as friends who respect each other. There are sad days, sure. Days where I miss the idea of what we had. Every now and then we talk about how it would be so much easier if we just stayed together and then we laugh, shake our heads and we both say No!

We are being true to ourselves first and making it work for us.

Divorice needs to be on YOUR terms. Do it your way to make it work best.