Her success doesn’t mean your failure
I heard this while sitting at a Breast Cancer Awareness event last month. It actually struck me pretty hard. It pinged around in my head – her success doesn’t mean your failure.
I wish I could say in the past I struggled with this, but the reality is that I still do. I go to why not me, when is it my turn and, if I’m being really truthful here, there are times I have an are-you-kidding-me moment. I wish I could say I have done enough work on myself that this is not longer the case, yet it still happens to me. It is sooo much better than it use to be and I know that I was way more sensitive to it the last year -part of the shittiest year ever.
This is what I do know
Her success has nothing to do with me. This is the first thing I remind myself of. Once my initial reaction passes (and that is usually what I call a catty bitch moment), I take control of that voice in my head that tells me they are better than I am, that I am not good enough. I remind myself that I don’t know what it took to achieve that success. I don’t know the context of it and I have no idea what is going on in that person’s world so I need to take a deep breath and stop comparing myself.
There are times that that the are-you-kidding-mes and when-is-my-turn moments consume me. The catty bitch lets loose and I may rant for a bit to myself, then I get a hold of it and have to walk through it. Yes, some of it is jealously but there is a big part for me about fairness. I worked really hard for my successes and I continue to work hard, I have had a few bumpy years and sometimes when I see others succeed, I go to when-is-my-time.
Jealousy is part of human nature, the question is how do you deal with it. How much do you feed into? How much do you let it affect you? I know that I have to have chat with myself about it and point out how it has nothing to do with me.
Getting yourself through jealousy
I now know that I need to look at others successes in the right way. This may sound silly but I rephrase it. Wow – look at them go! I am excited to do that as well. How can I learn from their success? (This is still a work in progress). Then I will look at me, find something to celebrate and use that to keep my perspective.
Sometimes it’s hard yet I keep at it. The biggest thing to remember is that you have no idea what someone else is going through and the success they are having may be everything the have.
How do you deal with jealousy of success? Do you beat yourself up or do you let it go?
Contact me and let’s keep the conversation going.