Do you ever wonder why in the world you put up with such bullshit? Day in and day out you just – I will use the statement that I don’t use anymore, except at the gym when referring to water – suck it up.
Why in the world do we put up with bullshit? We made a choice, and we seem trapped in that choice. We are in it, and we made the decisions to do something, so we keep going, one foot in front of the other. Trapped and choice don’t really go together.
My enough is enough story
When it came to ending my marriage, I knew for years it was over and so did my ex-to-be (we haven’t done the official paperwork yet), but we both just stayed silent and kept going. I knew it was over, I knew I needed different, yet I made a commitment, and I was sticking to it. The thing is after 17 years I was not the same person. I didn’t want the same things as I did when we got together or when we adopted our two boys. But I felt that I had to stick to my decision since I made it. Then with a lot of work and support, I realized I was not the same person, neither was he. Finally when I had the courage – when I couldn’t take it for another moment – I brought it up. He was feeling very similar to me.
I won’t say it was easy or that it is done. We called it quits on our marriage three years ago, but we still live together; we chose to do so for our boys. After 17 years we are family regardless if we are a couple or not and I do see family dinners in our future with our new partners. It is all about doing differently.
Changing our minds is not flaky, it’s human
I used to believe that once you made a decision, you stuck to it. It didn’t matter if things changed or I changed. Now I know that is not true. If circumstances changed so can the decisions. This took me a long time to make peace with; if I changed my mind or went back on a choice what did that make me? For a long time, I was worried it would make me flaky. The real answer is that it makes me a better me.
When you make a decision, you make it based on what is going on at the time, the information you are given or where you are in your life. This is decision making at the root. But what happens when things change, or you change? The decisions also have to change, if they don’t how can you change and grow? How can you do something different?
I wish it were simple. It’s not. Usually, we decide we had enough when we just can’t take it for another moment. We beat ourselves up about the decisions we made and changing it to up for what we what. Sometimes we face the consequences and make the change, but sadly many times we don’t.
Time to call it as it is
Is it time to call bullshit on some of the things you are doing? I bet you can say yes to that question. Calling it is never easy but so worth it!
Get some paper out and make a list. What are you doing to do or not do? You need to write down why you will not do it anymore and then what has changed since you made that decision or commitment? If it a job you hate, you may have loved it ten years ago but how do you feel today? I am not saying quit your job. I am saying do something about it, only you can make it different. So what are you going to do to change?
We only live once, and it is time to step up into our lives and do what we want. We are not doing fine anymore, so sucking it up can’t be part of our lives.