Sometimes you just need to change it up.
On Monday, I was sitting by a creek with lily pads and a duck coming over for a visit.
I heard the birds and occasional splashes. I sat just listening and thinking for a while, getting some perspective and asking myself some hard questions.
I have been in a funk lately, not really motivated, just doing what I need to do. Where has my spark gone? It has been burning low all summer. Things changed for me June 1 when the ex moved out and we started week on, week off custody. We haven’t been a coupe for four years; this was the next step yet I wasn’t expecting it to be so hard (I know I know – what was I expecting?).
The New Normal
Now, I only have the boys every second week and those weeks are busy. Then I have a week that I can focus on me, work, and on my other interests. Sounds great in theory, yet after being with someone for 24 years, old habits die hard. I am wired to take care of him and that I have to catch myself constantly. I am so used to picking up the phone and calling him, to make sure he is ok, to make things easy for him. We are still friends; we chose to do divorce differently, and yet these patterns run deep. They are totally my shit and I am working on them every day.
Going from full time working mom to part time work mom is also a huge adjustment. I actually miss my boys when they aren’t with me. (Yes, this actually surprises me). When the boys are with me, I want to be around when they get home (another surprise) and, as usual, always working on my patience and being present with them. It is a challenge sometimes – Mild is genuinely a 14-year-old typical boy and has all the teenage shit that comes with it, and Wild keeps me on my toes. Parenting a kid with unseen disabilities has its own challenges.
I have been focusing on them, my new normal, and me as well as making my house mine (I kept the house). It is something I needed to do after sharing it for 15+ years with my ex.
The Joy of Structure
During the process, work, my goals, my schedule have been put on the back burner. The last few weeks I have been trying to figure out what to do about it, I know what I need to do yet can’t seem to get there.
Then during the weekend while standing in the rain, I got it. What I am missing is my structure. For me, structure sets me free. This summer I haven’t had any. I have been working from home a lot and not going to the office. I have been ignoring my daily routine. I have been working on what needs to be done, and then instead of doing the things I have set out, I just do other things. In the past, I have been able to work from home successfully yet that is no longer the case; I get distracted, I find other things to do or I just don’t do what I know I need to.
I realize that I needed time and space to deal with the changes, to grieve and regroup to allow myself to move forward.
Doing what works for me
I need to get back into the office, I need to get back to my schedule. For someone who values freedom more than anything, it is interesting that I need the structure and I know this about myself – as long as I am the one putting it together.
What works for me is breaking the day down into bite-size chunks. The activities that make the cash register ring are number one, things that need to be done every day come second, and the third are planning and projects. Also, I set time every week to build relationships (this is something I have been doing even in my funk).
Last weekend, I enjoyed my change in scenery and then I headed home. Today, you will find me in the office after the gym getting back to what works for me.
Getting back at it
We all go through periods of change and it is ok to coast when you need to, the challenge is to know when to get back to it and figure out how. I think I have my answer this time.
What do you need to get back to? The answer is in you (a change of scenery may help as well) or you may just need to talk it out or have someone to keep you accountable. I encourage you to let me be that person.
Share with me what you need to do and we can support each other to get on with it. Click here to contact me.