The other day, my mentor asked me what my motto was. I answered, “Fuck Fine!” Then, he asked me how I was doing that lately. Talk about hitting hard – mind you that is why I have him in my life.
Here is the deal, I have not been living up to my motto. I have not been the Gina who lives by Fuck Fine! I have been going through the motions, doing what needs to be done, no more or less. I have been waiting for me to come back, the old me.
The reality is that Gina is gone. That Gina is no more. Over the last few years, I’ve changed, evolved, and become a different person. Different is what I strive for, and now I am standing in different yet again, and truthfully this different is harder than the others.
Something hasn’t been quite right
Last week I had a lot of my mind. I am not as present or patient with my boys. I was giving myself a hard time for the last few months. I’ve slowed down and been less productive than I used to be. There is even a piece in there that I am mad at my body (again), which makes no sense at all since this time, I actually have not control over it.
Also, I am tired – when you have pain that you can’t control it burns a lot of energy, you’re tired and a little crazy. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with chronic pain; I had no idea how awful it is. I know this will pass, I have a date for surgery – August 28th and that brought up even more things. Another surgery and all the feelings that go with it. This week has brought up a lot.
Finding Myself
So I have a choice in front of me: To continue the way I have been the last few months or choose different – embrace this Gina and get on with it. My choice is the later. To get on with it, that is what I have been doing, yet now I am going to get on with it with intention. First thing I have done, I have started to write again. My journal and I have been at odds for ages, but I’ve gotten it out, put pen to paper, and it feels great.
The other thing is I am stepping out of my comfort zone. I talk about this all the time, and I have not been doing it for myself. When I do, I am inspired, excited, and I want to do it again so this week that’s my goal. I will step out of my comfort zone, I will go out of my way to feel uncomfortable, and I am excited about that. (I am saying it here, so I am accountable.)
There are lots more things that I am thinking about, working on and will share over the next few months. What I know for sure is; Yes, I am back, just different and I am going to celebrate it!
This Gina is different and amazing. Hold on to your hats; I am going to kick ass!
FUCK FINE!
PS. The challenge to you this week is to step out of your comfort zone and celebrate it with me. I’d love a picture! I will post about what I did as well.