Do you ever wonder if you are missing something? I do. Sometimes when I am around a group of moms, I seem to be the standout. Not because I am the most amazing mom, the most patient or nice, but because I am not. I have my moments. For the most part, I think I am a good mom, but man… parenting two boys (one who has some challenges) is always interesting. Sometimes I lose my shit, even though I try really hard to keep it together.
Project A
Right now we are having a battle of wills in my house. We are doing what I call Project Anti-entitlement. My boys actually think that if they don’t want to do something, they don’t have to. I am not sure where this comes from, and I am doing everything I can to change it. If you want it, you have to earn it. That means chores every day – I am not talking about hard labour just things like walking the dogs, doing the dishes, and sweeping the floor. Some days it goes well, some days it doesn’t.
My oldest told me that he wanted to quit band this week. “Why,” I asked? “You were really enjoying it.” “It’s hard,” he answered. Are you kidding me? It’s hard, and now you are going to quit? Over my dead body! I get things can be hard, but practicing is not something he will even consider. Where do they get this idea? It definitely doesn’t come from me.
Life can be hard, life can be challenging, and you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Of course, he is great at video games and when I asked why he told me it’s because he practices. I tried really hard to show him it’s the same thing, but he doesn’t get it yet. Finally, I just had to let it go for now before I lose my mind.
The mom I am trying to be
I am trying really hard to be the mom who is encouraging, respectful, and loving; the mom who cheers loud at lacrosse games, band concerts, and anything they get involved; the mom who holds space for them when they need to talk about their feelings and encourages it; the mom who wipes the tears when they are upset and hurt. To show them life can be hard, that you have to keep at it, and even if it doesn’t go your way, it’s okay. That trying is what it’s all about; if you don’t try it you won’t know, and life is not about playing it safe. You may try and fail and that sucks, yet it’s part of life, and they need to learn that it’s okay to fail. It’s not okay not to try.
My oldest went to try out for basketball, and after the first session, he stopped. Why? It was too hard; he wasn’t good enough. He is actually pretty good, and now he will never know if he could have been on the team. He just gave up and if he gives up on this, what else will he give up on?
No instructions for motherhood
I wish I had all the answers. I obviously don’t. There is no handbook for this. I try to be present, patient, and loving. I am their mom, not their friend and there are times they are not going to like me, and I am okay with that. I screw up, I lose my shit and yes, I fucking yell – I am that mom. What type of mom are you and what type of mom do you aspire to be? What are your biggest challenges? Just a quick reminder that you may not have everything right now, but you may in the long run.